Since everyone else is having a go at a bit of futurology for 2011 the RPS family thought we’d give it a go too.
Mysteriously, like the lives of the Temple cat our predictions are nine in number.
- Sport – in a bizarre manager-go-round by the end of the year every side in the premiership has managed to re-appoint the manager they had when the league started in 1992. In an equal opportunities move death is no longer a bar to coaching providing the deceased has their coaching badges.
- Geography – government cuts in England force a reduction of 25% in the country’s surface area. East Anglia becomes part of Holland and, when it’s Spring again, we see again, Tulips in Haddenham.
- Education – a simplified and lower cost history curriculum is introduced. Essentially it’s all the fault of the previous government(s).
- Space – the UK’s space programme is scaled back and placed in the hands of the producers of Dr Who. All future planetary exploration will take place in a quarry just outside Tilehurst.
- Politics – claims that MPs have failed to learn the lessons of the expenses scandal are denied as the House of Commons decides to relocate to the Cayman Islands because it’s ‘more tax efficient’.
- Law and order – a new spirit of localism takes hold as areas seize the chance to tackle issues that matter to them. Civil liberties groups raise concerns over Birmingham’s new draconian penalty for walking on the cracks in the pavement. ‘Being sent to Coventry is no joke,’ said a spokesperson.
- Show business – Lady Gaga disappoints fans waiting for her appearance at the Brits when her new vegetarian outfit is attacked by green-fly.
- Royal news – the Queen surprises the nation when she makes the newly married Prince William the Duke of Hazard and insists that Catherine Middleton is to be called Daisy. Boss Hogg, Prince Andrew, is unavailable for comment.
- Public services – Big Society advocates are disappointed by the slow take up of treatment slots in clinics run by the new ‘Why not take a risk?’ charity for voluntary surgeons.
That’s probably enough predictions for now … please accept our very best wishes for this New Year’s Eve and for 2011.
The RPS Family