You would think that technology would make looking for jobs easier. I’m sure that it does when used properly. When I started job hunting in earnest I set up a brand new gmail address and registered with every agency I could think of. I also signed up to the jobs pages of the Times and Guardian. And, of course, I got to grips with LinkedIn.
None of this activity has yet got me the job of my dreams but it has helped me get to grips with how recruitment works these days. That’s been particularly important given how many years it has been since I was last ‘out there’.
Most days sees me getting a handful of automatically generated job alerts from various organisations. But I’ve begun to wonder whether I need to revisit my search parameters.
Yesterday was a fairly typical day given it’s the quiet season for recruitment. Here’s a sample of what I was offered –
Graduate trainee recruitment consultants – I had half a dozen or so of these on one of my alerts. All starting with something like this –
My client is an incredibly ambitious, rapidly expanding recruitment company with a track record of excellence within their specialist markets, which include the IT and Financial sectors.
I suspect that a grumpy bloke in his late forties is probably not what they’re looking for. So I’ve been unmoved.
Despite having never taught children in my life I was also sent a notice – on the same alert – about the Headship of a prestigious school. Never really seen myself as a Mr Chips sort of figure so I don’t think I’ll trouble them with my CV.
For reasons that remain obscure to me I was also sent some information yesterday about the advent of the World Beer Pong Championship in Las Vegas. Er …
Then I got an alert about an Interim Management opportunity – sadly not in my particular area of expertise but at least it showed the communications channel with that consultancy is working well.
Then there came a slew of messages from organisations and individuals offering me the chance to earn ‘£Thousands!’ from the comfort of my own home. And it would only take a small investment from my to secure this opportunity. Thank you, but no.
There are other organisations out there – you know who you are – who put up job alerts on the basis of a chat they may have had down the golf club or overheard in the gym. Notices from these folks often look like this –
Our client is a leading public/private sector organisation with an outstanding reputation for customer service excellence. Despite challenging market conditions they are looking to recruit new talent to enhance their senior leadership team. If you are an experienced professional wanting to take your career to the next level please send your most recent cv to Doug or Caroline at firstname.lastname@example.org.
After hearing nothing for a while you will start to get strange spam. That’s because our friends at www.fishingforvictims.co.uk are trying to sell you – without your knowledge – to anyone daft enough to take a call from them. That’s right there is no job. Instead your CV is, so far as I can tell, standing on a virtual block in a virtual auction.
Some of my funniest moments though come from browsing what Total Jobs sends me. Yesterday I was encouraged to consider being an Infantry Soldier by my friends over at Total Jobs. My profound respect for our armed forces tells me the last thing any unit wants is to be saddled with me as a soldier. But you can’t fault Total Jobs ‘thinking out of the box’ approach because here they come again letting me know about a post as an Agricultural Solicitor. It’s hard to think – infantry soldier apart – of any job I am less fitted for.
So I think it’s time to go back through all the parameters I used when I set up these alerts because there are clearly boxes that I should have ticked or not ticked that need some attention.
Meanwhile I am going to the library to look up exactly what this means – Linux Support Engineer, Systems Engineer – Linux, MySQL, Tomcat.